Too Much Time on my Hands

Time is on my side, yes it is... (The Rolling Stones)

What is your relationship with time? Now that is a strange question. You may think that I want to delve into the philosophical meaning of time or explore the physics of the space-time continuum. Perhaps dabble in the meta-physical nature of time and wax poetic on whether God is outside of time or chooses to constrain himself by living in the linear. But no. I just want to know what your relationship with time is.

Is time your friend? Are you always running out of time? Do you have too much time on your hands (Styx)? Is time flying too fast?

I have no doubt that our relationship with time reveals so much about how we view ourselves and the world around us. At the end of an average day some of us are left with a feeling that we didn't accomplish enough, while others feel overwhelmed that the things that matter are being pushed aside for all the things that have to be done. I know personally that I went through a long period of feeling torn about time. When I was at work I felt guilty for not giving my family the time they deserve, and then when I was at home I often watched the clock and thought of all the things I needed to be doing for my job.

Being home this week and "accomplishing" nothing has once again shown me my ever-changing relationship with time. I have done very little this week. I mostly stayed home. I played with the kids. I held the baby. I ate. I watched a movie. But I did almost nothing for my job. I did very little to serve anyone else. I didn't do something to bring in some money. I thought about mowing the yard, but didn't. I have felt twinges of guilt. But only twinges. They completely disappear when Savannah looks up at me.

I believe our relationship with time isn't about whether we think we should accomplish more or change priorities. Our relationship with time comes down to how we view ourselves. So much of how we chase time is about others, or filling up something missing in us. But a Godly view of ourselves says that I am worth a little time. I recognize my humanity is a gift from God. The being tired and needing some time off is the way God made me. That accomplishment does not effect love one bit. That time can be useful (like everyone knowing when to gather for dinner), or time can rule me.

I have thoroughly wasted time this week. Looking back on the past seven days, it was a glorious and holy time.