December 16, 2009

Get Out of the Way!

I just can't resist. Driving around Abilene earlier today I encountered, in my opinion, the most evil person on the planet. I do not know their name. Have no idea if they are male or female. Could be any age. But pure evil without a doubt.

I have encountered them before. Several times. And I am always amazed at their audacity. They don't attempt to hide their malicious behavior. In fact, they make sure you notice.

So what did this perpetrator of pestilence do? They pulled out in front of me. Now, don't dismiss this so quickly, let me explain. I'm not talking about when somebody pulls out in front of you in an effort to turn left across the nose of your vehicle. They should not do that, but I think often they don't see you or misjudge your speed. And as long as there is no actual collision you get the privilege of seeing the fear in their eyes as they glimpse you barreling straight at the driver side door.

No, I am talking about when someone pulls out directly in front of you going the same direction you are. Now even that can sometimes be forgiven. There is a massive amount of traffic (think after a football game) and all traffic is moving slowly. They shouldn't go, but they know that real damage is out of the question because everybody is moving so slowly.

And I can even let slide when someone pulls directly in front of me because they see the massive line of automobiles on my heels. They shouldn't go, but it looks like ten more minutes before another suitable break in the traffic.

But, when there are no other cars around, it's a two-lane road, you pull directly in front of me, go one block and then turn (slowing me down not once but twice), all in an effort to save yourself 2.5 seconds...I want to hunt you down like the spawn of Satan you are.

Now, I know there are many horrific, evil things in the world. That it may seem this pales in comparison. But I am convinced that this is where all evil dictators begin. They pull out in front of people and immediately turn and they do it again and again. Because of the lack of consequences they think they are "special" and can do whatever they want. It is a well-known fact (pretty sure I read it on Wikipedia) that this is where both Idi Amin and Saddam Hussein began.

I know it would be wrong to respond to this threat to world peace by smashing the accelerator or following the person to their home where I would then, uh, confront them? I know that it is inappropriate to give the international hand signal for "you're a demon-child for pulling out in front of me". I know I should love, as Jesus would. But if ever there was an exception to the rule, it's this.